Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
