i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
