i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
