When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize