My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
