I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
