3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
