Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
