I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
