someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
