Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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