I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
