I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
