My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
3 2 1 whiskey
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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