he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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