my phone needs a breathalizer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
