So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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