If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you. Go after that dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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