Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
