Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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