I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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