Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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