I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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