I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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