But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
