im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
