You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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