i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
