I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize