You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
