I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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