Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
