just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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