haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
