Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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