You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize