i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
