Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
