You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
