alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
