I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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