mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
