Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
