I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
