you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
