Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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