i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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