Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
