If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
