What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
