I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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