We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
