Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
