if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
