in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize