Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
