Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
