well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
