I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
