so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
