Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
