I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
