I want to make a zoo with you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
