absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
