you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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