I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
