Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize