the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
