can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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