there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
