I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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