so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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