I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
