If i come over, it means nothing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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