woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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