I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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