oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
