New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
