Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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