why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
