Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
