I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize