k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
