dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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