Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
