Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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