Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
