idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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