im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
