someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
