i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
