Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
