You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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