you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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