I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
