We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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