Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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