I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize