and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this boner is exhausting
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
