yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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