Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
