Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
