I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
